Taylor Swift Sings About Dumping Equitable
April 11, 2023
In a recent podcast — 10 Taylor Swift Songs About the 403(b) — we threatened to instruct ChatGPT to write a song in the style of Taylor Swift about how hard it is to get out of an Equitable 403(b). So we did...
"403(b) Break Up"
I wake up every morning with a sinking feeling
Thinking 'bout that 403(b) I just can't seem to leave
Equitable Financial's got me caught in their grip
It's like I'm trapped in a cycle, can't seem to break free
Oh, it's hard to get out, so hard to get out
Equitable Financial's got me spinning 'round and 'round
I try to escape, but they keep pulling me back
Oh, it's hard to get out, so hard to get out
I've read all the fine print, gone through the paperwork
But Equitable Financial's still holding tight
They say there are fees, penalties, and restrictions
It's like they're holding my future, just out of sight
Oh, it's hard to get out, so hard to get out
Equitable Financial's got me spinning 'round and 'round
I try to escape, but they keep pulling me back
Oh, it's hard to get out, so hard to get out
I know I deserve better, I know I can do more
But this 403(b) has got me feeling so unsure
I'll keep on fighting, I won't give up the fight
I'll break free from Equitable Financial's might
Oh, it's hard to get out, so hard to get out
Equitable Financial's got me spinning 'round and 'round
I try to escape, but they keep pulling me back
Oh, it's hard to get out, so hard to get out
But I won't give up, I won't give in
I'll keep pushing forward, until I win
I'll break free from this financial bind
And leave Equitable Financial far behind.
Equitable Financial Rotten to the Core
Being a huge Sex Pistols fan, of course I had to ask for a song by them. ChatGPT came up with some good lines (Equitable Financial, you're driving me insane. Trying to get my money out, it's like pulling teeth in vain and I've been on the phone for hours, talking to their automated powers) but I actually think that Johnny Rotten and the lads already wrote a song about Equitable Financial...
"Pretty Vacant"
There's no point in asking
You'll get no reply.
Oh just remember I don't decide
I got no reason it's all too much
You'll always find us
Out to lunch
Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
We're vacant
Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
A-vacant
Don't ask us to attend
'Cause we're not all there.
Oh don't pretend 'cause I don't care
I don't believe illusions 'cause too much is real
So stop your cheap comment
'Cause we know what we feel
Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
We're vacant
Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
A-vacant
Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
Ah but now
And we don't care
There's no point in asking
You'll get no reply.
Oh just remember a don't decide
I got no reason it's all too much
You'll always find me
Out to lunch, we're outta lunch
Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
We're vacant
Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
Ah but now
And we don't care
We're pretty a-pretty vacant
We're pretty a-pretty vacant
We're pretty a-pretty vacant
We're pretty a-pretty vacant
We don't care
Stay wise and well (and know that we will never stop singing about 403(b) woes)
